j'adore fabulosity

Fabulous is as Fabulous Does

Fabulous is...

Personal. Fabulousness is being unique and individual and not giving two cares about what anyone else thinks or feels about who you are. Being fab is more than just what you where or how you look. It transcends the physical and consists of completeness: not only looking great, but also feeling great and being great. Being fabulous is about swag. Crazy swag. You have it or you don't.

...As Fabulous Does

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left" -Marilyn Monroe

Feeling Some Type of Way

Jealousy is a strong emotion. It can make ordinarily sane people do some crazy things. Ok, so you messed around with someone. Maybe it was your man or your girl, maybe it was a situation you wanted to progress into something more, or maybe it was just that thing you did to pass the time. No matter what it was, for whatever reasons, it's over now and that other person wants so badly for you to feel some type of way about what used to be. You've moved on and they say they've moved on, so what is the problem? Selfishness and jealousy.

I like to call these people THE DISSENTERS. They are that oppositional force that prevent you from moving forward in your life. Relationships and unrealized dreams from your past encounters together bring much animosity to your current situation. They are stuck in the past. Living and lingering in there own regret of what they missed. They resent the fact that the best thing they ever could have had is now gone, and they are unhappy. It's cliché but true: misery loves company. They are miserable in their own existence, sad without you, and jealous of the fact that you are doing better and better. So what do they do? Anything in their power to bring you down.

Me feeling NO type of way about my dissenters!

They lie, they hate, they try to make you jealous, and do whatever it takes to destroy any good thing in your life. They make it clear, through their actions that you and your situation are something that they still feel some type of way about. If they really "move on" they would be indifferent or even happy for you, wishing you the best. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. Hate is only an embodiment of the passion and emotion they still carry for you. But just because they feel some type of way doesn't mean you have to, too. Their issue is just that, their issue. They need to deal with festering feelings and resentment without you: it's not your responsibility. We cannot allow other people's problems and inability to let go of the past stop our forward progress.

When an encounter is over, it is healthy to move on, because in due time everything must come to an end. So don't feel bad about not feeling some type of way about what used to be. Coulda, woulda, shoulda aren't important ideas in the present. These thoughts actually aren't important ever. You cannot live your life looking backward. If the relationship ended, it ended for a reason. Believe that all things happen for the best. Understanding this will allow us rise above the bullshit that dissenters may bring.

The Soooooo Not Fabulous Moment of the Week

This is throwback, but they were re-airing old seasons of America's Next Top Model, and I was hit with all this unfabness at once. I applaud Tyra for being a mogul, a business woman, and even for making herself a household name, but a singer??? and then to feature those non-dancing, top model chicks??? Let's be serious. I think that was taking it a step to far, and she agreed and stopped this mess immediately. Do what you do Tyra...but the world just doens't need another Beyonce!!

It's Only a Test

In the midst of the storm it is often so hard to see the purpose in your suffering. It's hard to fully understand your place. It's even harder to focus on the greater cause. I am a firm believer that to those who much is given, much is required, so with this responsibility comes pain and long-suffering. At times some of us are better at disguising our pain and our suffering than others, but it is still there. Myself, I choose to struggle in silence. I put on my game face and go out into the world and smile and pretend that every thing's all good; I was told to never let anyone see you in pain because it affords them the ability to use that weakness against you. But often times it's not that simple. I find myself in situations that push me to the limits of what I believe I can tolerate, only to realize I am stronger than I originally thought. Sometimes succumb with hopelessness and helplessness, it seems impossible to continue. Then I remember something my very wise grandmother told me, It's only a test.

My Grandmother!!! So Fab!!!

Everything that we go through serves a greater purpose in our lives. Weather it's teaching us a necessary lesson or preparing us for people we will experience in the future, each happening is of importance. I know personally that it is so easy to become discouraged and want to give up, but by doing so we do ourselves a major disservice: we loose the valuable things we could become and opportunities for self-improvement. This might not resonate with some of you who have never really been through anything in life, but for those of you who have, remember your struggle is not in vain. I'm in the midst of my storm and I had to learn to be okay with that. It causes discomfort, but I have to lean into that discomfort in order to press into my future. I'm waiting for my breakthrough. I know it's on the way. Like me, some of you are being tested, being shaped, being molded in something so much better and so far greater that what you are now you will look back and not be able to recognize who you were, and that's a good thing.

It wouldn't be right if I didn't quote Kanye, "Na, na, now that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger." Just know, suffering is important to having a meaningful experience here on this Earth. The more isolated you feel the closer you are to your change. The more hurt and anguish you experience, the better you are becoming. Do not be discouraged, yet appreciate your current state. Even though you might not be able to see it, remember that the light is still at the end of the tunnel. Always remember, it's only a test so push through the pain, and I promise you will be better for it in the end.

The Soooooo Not Fabulous Moment of the Week

Plies "Bust It Baby" TV Show Casting...Sooo not Fab!


A Good Thang

I think it's hilarious when "mature" men and women play games. I think its even funnier when they fall for you and are so afraid of being hurt that they pretend you don't matter. I understand saving face because when it comes to relationships no one wants to be embarrassed, but I need people carry on their affairs like adults for once. It hurts to have your heart broken, trust me I know from too much experience, but faking can hurt just as bad because you continue to interact with that individual, wanting them, and missing out on all the good things they have to offer. So why fake? Why keep up meaningless, purely sexual encounters when you could have so much more? People fear vulnerability. They shun emotions. The idea that a real, meaningful relationship could take work and possibly cause pain turns the toughest guys and the baddest ladies into punks. We punk out. Period. Fear is dangerous because it causes people to place limitations on their lives, and living scared is not living at all.

But one thing I've realized is that there is no convincing someone that falling for you can be a good. That takes trust, and trust is earned. I gave my trust freely one time and it was violated and I'm sure this is the issue with so many others, but we have to be able to get over our past hurts in order to be better and do better in our future. So when you find that one, the one you know you've fallen for, don't let bullshit, ego, and saving face stop you all from making something real. When you know that no one else can touch him just like you do, when you understand that no one else knows where to rub after a hard day at practice, when you can do some things to him that will gets him so right all he can do is sleep, when you find yourself trying to see him all the time, when you're apart all you think of is the next time you will be together, when you got him so good that he's cooking breakfast, if you could just sit up and talk about life not even getting tired: IT'S REAL. And real is hard to find, so take advantage and don't let it slip away or else you will have to live with regrets for loosing your good thing.

Money, Power, Respect...It's the Key to Life

The Lox had it basically right, money, power, and respect are three things that can and will open the doors to success in this life, and in relationships the second and third are especially true. When you surrender your power and your respect in a romantic relationship, it's doomed to fail. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean power in the sense of total domination and control, I mean the power that you have over yourself and the same can be said for respect. I can't even begin to number the times that I have talked to individuals about the problems in their relationships only to find that the underlying issue was not with their significant others but with them.
As a woman, I know that when we find someone we think is "the one" we tend to give all of ourselves, including our power. We loose control, ourselves, and our self-respect for men. We allow relationships to define us and determine our happiness. We are willing to surrender our own individual existence for what we think is the greater good of the relationship, but usually this is not an action of equality or reciprocity. Cluelessly we handover our self respect, dignity, and pride. Chasing men, believing their every word, doing whatever, whenever they want is so unhealthy. We make them our everything and when they leave we have nothing only leaving us angry, bitter, and mad as hell.
But this can be avoided. 1st, we have to know our worth. Women settle for less than the best because we don't appreciate how much and how good we really are. If we knew better, we would do better. We would not sell ourselves short, wasting precious months and years on men that aren't even worth our seconds. 2nd, we have to stop giving up our power. When we succumb to the will of men we give them control over our lives, and they dictate our happiness. 3rd and finally we must demand respect. But to do so we have to first respect ourselves by not allowing men to degrade and demean us and more importantly by not degrading and demeaning ourselves. Respect is earned, so to earn it we must prove to ourselves and everyone else that we are worthy.

--"Love yourself enough to live life for you and nobody else"--