j'adore fabulosity

Fabulous is as Fabulous Does

Fabulous is...

Personal. Fabulousness is being unique and individual and not giving two cares about what anyone else thinks or feels about who you are. Being fab is more than just what you where or how you look. It transcends the physical and consists of completeness: not only looking great, but also feeling great and being great. Being fabulous is about swag. Crazy swag. You have it or you don't.

...As Fabulous Does

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left" -Marilyn Monroe

Lose Some Weight

I friend of mine recently asked me, "do you ever feel like you speak and no one understands what you say?" Stopping to think, I acknowledge the fact that this is not only my reality, but also the reality of many others. To speak and to be misunderstood and misinterpreted is more common that we think or believe. The primary factor in the breakdown of most relationships, whether they are romantic or platonic, communication failure. We all have baggage, and to every relationship we bring this excess weight composed of our preconceived notions, personal experiences, biases and prejudices. We carry every hurt, every tear, every memory; after a relationship we grab our suitcases pack all of them to capacity. Overflowing with pain, long-suffering, hate, disdain, and confusion, we travel to the next with all these feelings and ideas in tow. These personal biases and preconceived notions create the gap between reality and perception causing us to fail at communicating what is real. Most of all we fail at communication because we are deeply afraid of what we really have to say and what we really feel. Fear. It's debilitating. It's paralyzing. We live in fear of being truly happy. We are scared to relinquish all drama from our lives, so we consciously and unconsciously sabotage all we come in contact with. Some are afraid that without the drama they will become bored or less than entertained, but their lives are so mundane that they need that unnecessary drama to fill a void. A void that should be filled by purpose or service to others, and we will do what ever is necessary to insure that the drama exists. As humans, we are peaty, weak and peaty. We attack and viciously tear down those who have seemingly transcended the triviality that is life and adolescence. These people are parasites, or leeches if you will. They thrive on the livelihood of others, and they have the potential to suck the life from each of us it we let them. Because they are too weak or too lazy to leap over their own stumbling blocks they lie down and become stumbling blocks for others, making life that much harder. If you cannot relate or this doesn't apply to your life, I commend you, but for the other 99% of us something must be done. We must lose some weight (and I do not mean in the dieting and treadmill way). The emotional luggage that is over-stuffed and being dragged from place to place with us must be purged. We have to throw out those things that are not conducive to us becoming our personal best. We need to reevaluate all the things we carry. It is necessary to take a moment to reflect, unpack our bags, and review all we have inside. An emotional check up if you will. I am not suggesting that we ever forget those people, places, and experiences that made us who we are, but we must reconcile who we were at those various points with the people we want to be now. If they don't match, we've got work to do. Cleaning up our emotional state is not a one-day thing; it is an ongoing process that must be remembered for the sake of mental health. By allowing old pain and old hurt to come along with you to future relationships, it leaves room for those old feelings to adversely affect the new you. So learn from your past, leave all excess weight in the present, and wisely choose what you desire to carry into the future.

Where do broken hearts go??

Quite a few years ago Whitney Houston raised a question that has plagued me for sometime now; where do broken hearts go? I know for a fact that they certainly do not melt away. They are not magically made whole again by another relationship or becoming the object of another's affection. They are not mended with love songs and Ben & Jerry's. And most importantly they cannot be repaired with the manifestation of emotion through sex. Believe me, I speak from experience. Having tried all of the above to no avail. Its like putting a band-aid on a gun shot. These remedies that society, our friends, and our peers tell us that should cure whatever love ailment we have are lies. Blatant and misleading, they are superficial antidotes that really do nothing but leave us living in self-doubt and a relentless pity. We choose to believe a broken heart is like a puzzle that can be simply and perfectly placed back together when it is more like a torn ACL, that takes ages to heal and is never quite as good before. Once it is broken, ones heart is never quite the same. You can never feel as much, never give as much: point blank you will never love the same. Its a difficult concept to grasp, especially while in the crux of the situation. Emotional and subjective a broken heart can be the worst type of pain and one that no pain killer can alleviate. While this may seem clouded with doom and personal recollection, I do have a point; while having your heart broken is painful and lingering, each day it hurts a little less, and the pain becomes manageable. I will not lie and say it goes away because honestly I do not believe that it ever completely does, but it will lessen. But you will relapse. You will hear that song (or songs in my case--a whole iTunes playlist worth) that remind you of him or her. You will pass that movie theater where you went on your first date. You will remember the exact booth you sat in at your first dinner together. You will smell a scent that takes you directly back to the moment when you laid together in perfect peace feeling like you were the only two people in the world. You will remember the touch that sent chills through your body. You will reminisce. You will think of what could have been, what should have been, and you will hold on to the fleeting desire of what still could be. Sadness is inevitable. Remorse is customary. But we must lean into this discomfort and fight through the low moments because they are necessary evils. Sufrir es crecer meaning to suffer is to grow. There is a purpose in the pain. So where do broken hearts go? Honestly, no where. They remain with us forever, and they carry important life lessons that make us stronger and able to withstand much. Just know they never go away: with time what was unbearable becomes more acquiescent.


I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so eventually you learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together.
-Marilyn Monroe

Everyone and everything serves a purpose in this life. I am learning that it is our struggles, not just our victories that makes us who we are. The most beautiful diamonds are made from the massive amounts of pressure that is placed upon them, so what does that make me? Being constantly misunderstood and misinterpreted, having those I thought were real show the depths of their fakeness and constantly being made only an option for those I incessantly made a priority. Well I must be an eight carat flawless ideal cut. It's worth it, and I have no regrets. No remorse. I guess my Kanye is kicking in, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger. To be less than a month from twenty, I have seen and experienced a lot. More than I want to speak. More than I want to admit. So I have learned to expect to be misunderstood, to assume I will be misinterpreted, to ignore the negativity constantly thrust upon me. Easier said than done. Sometimes the weight of the opinion and feelings of others can become heavy. Heavy and seemingly unbearable, but I think about becoming that diamond. So my exterior has become hardened to the visible eye, but really I'm indifferent. That is the only way to survive. So many "good" or things I thought were good have fallen apart, but I know the real good things, the things of God, ordained by God are in my future.