Flowers
Dear Love,
I got flowers today and I wished they were from you, but I knew in my heart that they weren't. I know that it will never be the same, and it's all my fault. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, I can't go back. I know I'm indeceive, but I thought you would understand. I took your kindness for weakness, and the result was deadly. Without you I'm misrebale, but I'm resigned to what life might bring. I'm owning my shit. Penance done and penance more to do, but I'm human and it hurts. When I think of you, what cold have been, what should have been I want to scream. A burning rises in my chest because I know what I gave up. But now you push me away, your words and your actions conflict. You love what you've found, but you love me too and the two just can't co-exist. You can't see it, but the constant pushing causes the distance becomes more unbearable. The chasm widens. I can't even see the other side, and now I need you the most. Yes, I said need. I realize who you are and what were and could have been to me and I'm sorry, but I know it's not enough.
I couldn't make this ish up....
So the year has begun and it is time to write because I'm feeling some type of way once again. Self-respect. Couth. Dignity. Class. Refinement. The George Washington University has gone crazy, and everyone I've encountered seemingly possess none of the above. For a moment in time I though we as a people had made a change. I thought we had embodied progress. I thought we were moving beyond our days of tom foolery and foolywang material, but I have never been more wrong. Like they say, assumptions will make an ass of you. Throughout the past few weeks I have never been more embarassed. Walking into a campus party to see freshman girls bent over touching the floor, giving lap dances in the doorway, and participating in illict activites that will definately assist in the contrating of numerous STD's makes my stomach turn. Are we kidding? Is that really how you want to present yourself, especially in the first month of school? Not that I'm the authority on prim and propper behavior BUT I have a little good sense unlike some people who choose to have all their encounters and rendezvous documented on Facebook. Let's be serious. Do you really think that's appropriate? Is that really how you want to be etched into people's memories?? Do you realize that you are the smut that will let anybody get it and the bust down that doesn't care who knows? I'm honestly appalled. As women we need to do better, and I thought coming to GW would be a step in that direction but Hov said it best, "You can pay for school but you can't buy class." As the days turn into weeks we, collectivly must sit and reevaluate our goals, values, and ambitions. If our behaviors don't correspond with people that we are trying to become something has got to give. Loving ourselves is the first step. Knowing yourself worth is number two. If we don't love ourselves and understand our self worth we will constantly allow men (and I use that term loosely) to objectify and take advanage of us. Instead of allowing ourselves to be torn down and used for some lackluster athletes instant gratification how about we build up our minds, boo love with Gelman, and get this education. After all, isn't that the reason we're here?
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