j'adore fabulosity

this started as a letter then evolved into a poem then finally a way to vent and to say things I've always wanted to...

See I’m glad you think I’m sexy, but I need the one who thinks I’m beautiful

It was fun while it lasted, but I’m looking for something lasting

I wanted you since I first saw you the focus of all my passion

See I lay down beside you and there we made one

I gave you the one thing that was designated for my husband,

no condom, no drama, just fun

but in my heart I wanted commitment

thinking you could learn to love me the way I loved you

In your mind I was physically desired so we made it do what it do

See I was ok with being the main girl, now I need to be the only

In my mind such infatuation cause me to forget my goals

My morals, my values my beliefs just to be the one you’d hold

Every single night

I didn’t understand the magnitude and weight of my decisions

Blinded by…

I don’t want to be good for you when you on the verge of your peek

I want to be the perfect match fulfill every qualification you seek

I was even on my stupid, ghetto girl shit

Thinking I wanted your kid I thought that would make you say and want me all over again

I want you to think I’m beautiful but I can’t change that now

I gave you all of me

I’m pleased you like my stilettos and short dresses, but you should appreciate my sweats and uggs

This is harder for me than you will ever know because I just can’t let you in

I can’t allow myself to be publicly caught up so my embarrassment is held within

I gave up the best thing I had cause I thought I would get you

But you never said you wanted me as your girl I should have followed every clue

Now I’m really confused, you’re with some other girl

Your girlfriend, wifey

She’s in my spot, my place, my position

Playing my role but

I know everything she lacks I have

I’m everything you miss: all you could have had

I wanted to tell you but the words I could never quite verbalize

Sentences I couldn’t articulate so my emotions wore a disguise

Veiled in immaturity, cloaked in a suit of armor

My heart stupidly avoided all you could have offered

I treated you like just one of those things

So we could get it in

pretending like I hated strings

And things

That lead to something more

More than what we had, more than what we were

More, more I couldn’t give you

Now I sit

You consume all of me I see you in my dreams

Activating every sense

Your touch gently in places that I yearn for it to be again

your breath softly caressing the nape of my neck

but then I snap back to reality

from my fantasy,

my dream

I will never be over it

But, for now, I’m good

And wishing you all the happiness in the world…